Inhale... Exhale....

[Vent]

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I am very tired

My sickness was getting a bit better but I'm scared it'll come back again

The past few days have been really hard

I am exhausted so i'll copy paste here what i said to one of my friend 

I don't want to rewrite this today

But you guys deserve to know what's going on and why things have been so slow, because sickness wise, it's nearly gone, so...i should be back by now

But things happened

Here's the text i wrote to my friend explaining it all

Yesterday it was announced my grandfather's cancer is back

The pain is stronger than before, and the cancer actually spreaded a bit as well

So he will need to start chimio treatment again

And now today...

My other grandfather, the one who doesn't have cancer, is someone pretty obese and big in general (tall too, big voice, a big teddy bear. He's a very sweet man). He's not able to take care of himself anymore though, and so my other grandmother (the one married to him) is taking care of him all the time. He has diabetes, and needs a lot of pills. Me and my mom we shopping this morning and we got a call telling us my grandmother had been taken in emergency to the hospital, and so my grandfather can't stay alone. So basically passed all day taking care of him. He's very lost very often, like forgets what he's doing. He needs help to get up and walk around, can't do anything himself. And was worried for my grandma. She basically got an asthma attack combined with an allergic reaction to a new med she was given. My aunt was able to come over to take care of my grandpa and so i finally got home with my mom like an hour ago. I took a lil nap and a bath, and now am here. I'm so, so exhausted, still worried for my grandma, and i got sicker because i worry too much. My head feels so heavy...</i>

I am not looking for sympathy, 

I'm an optimistic person

I appreciate the happy moment am passing

And i do my best to stay strong 

And i got all of you

My amazing friends who are helping and supporting me

But even with all of this I am still so tired

And I just wish I could do something more for them

But i feel that even if i could i would just crumble because i have a hard time just standing up

I feel dizzy

And i feel like i can't support the friends that need me right now

I've been off for nearly a week...

I have such a hard time just logging on skype ... 

Not just because it's so glitchy for me ...

I want to talk to everyone but at the same time i just don't have the courage and strenght to hold a converstion up

Skype, or any social media to be honest

I'm scared if someone tries to vent to me i'll crack

My heart if shattered and is breaking apart because of the lack of help i can bring

I want to help so bad

But i have a hard time helping myself right now

...

I'm sorry if this is all over the place

And i'm sorry for my silence

I think my sickness will be better soon

You all keep me up and going

I love you all so much

I'm just knocked up because everything is happening at the same time

I know you all care about me and i care about you as well

Once i am better, and can hold myself togheter, i know i can handle everything again

I'll finish the gifts

I'll start projects

I'll get better, at art, and at being a good person

Please don't hesitate to vent to me once am good again

I do love being there for everyone

I just need a lil time 

To help heal the wounds

Have a good night everyone

Sorry again

Thank you if you bothered to read <3

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Art by me

Character belongs to me

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